They’re attentive, kind, and always there to talk. They just can never meet in person. Here’s how romance scams work, why smart people fall for them, and the red flags to watch for.
This one is heartbreaking. It’s been going on for years, and it keeps working because it targets something every one of us wants: someone who cares.
And let’s clear something up right away. This isn’t a scam that only fools lonely women. Men fall for it all the time too. They’re just less likely to admit it.
In a romance scam, the relationship is the bait and the money is the hook. The face and name on the screen aren’t the person typing to you, and that person is patient, practiced, and very good at emotions.
It starts innocently. A match on a dating app, a friend request, sometimes a random “wrong number” text. Then comes the attention. Good morning messages. Long conversations. They remember everything you tell them.
These scammers do this full time, often with scripts and teams. They know exactly which buttons to press, and they’re in no hurry. Weeks or months might pass before money ever comes up.
Once someone sends a little money, the requests grow. This is part of what’s called a “pig butchering” scam: the victim is fattened up with affection and trust, then drained of everything of value. Retirement accounts, savings, checking, gift cards, anything. When the victim starts to resist, the pressure goes up.
I’ve seen entire life savings disappear this way, and families torn apart because a parent wouldn’t listen to the people who loved them. One thing is certain: you will never meet this person, because they are not who they say they are.
If someone you love is caught up in this, lead with kindness, not “how could you fall for that?” Shame pushes people deeper into the scam. The scammer is already telling them their family doesn’t understand.
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